Thursday, January 10, 2013

Temptation vs. Conviction

Ian flew away for an interview this morning and won't be back until tomorrow night. I finished putting the baby to bed about twenty minutes ago, and just ordered some food for myself online (one of my favorite perks about living in NYC - free delivery from basically anywhere!). As I completed the order, I just realized - I wasn't even slightly tempted by anything with dairy, eggs, seafood, or meat. I ordered my pad thai with vegan mock duck, requesting they omit the eggs, with a side of seaweed-wrapped tofu.

Last time Ian was gone I was seriously tempted to break vegan. There were several times when I looked over pizza menus online, and I remember drooling over the idea of coconut-shrimp.* I spent tons of psychic energy thinking about where I was going to go and what I would eat.

But I didn't. It wasn't even that my own beliefs stopped me from going through with eating animal products (cravings overruled ethics). Rather, I knew that I couldn't hide it from Ian. I'm a terrible liar. I can't keep secrets about gifts before Christmas, and please don't tell me about a surprise party. I'll try to not say anything, but will somehow be obvious in that (I just get so excited!). I knew that Ian would be disappointed. And that made me feel awful. (Of course the moment he arrived home, I confessed my struggle with great shame, because that's who I am).

And this was... a month ago? Maybe two?

I'm not exactly sure why I'm not driving myself crazy this time. Maybe it's that I just got through Christmas without much compromise** in a household where my brothers claim to be carnivores (and it's almost true, these guys eat so much meat) and my dad is on an almost-exclusively protein diet, which mainly consists of meat and dairy. Maybe it's that I had to explain my veganism to several people/relatives over the holidays, which lead to a strengthening of conviction. Perhaps its the documentaries and podcasts on veganism that I'm exposing myself to at least twice monthly. I've also recently stopped craving cheese, and milk and meat are beginning to sound 'gross' to me. It's probably a combination of the above.

It feels good to know what I believe and why I believe it, and tonight, it feels damned fine to be a vegan.

* In the airport on the way to Minneapolis, I did eat a shrimp dish as I could not find any available vegan options, and I personally believe that between eating vegetarian with milk/cheese and eating seafood, seafood is the smaller evil. I must confess, shrimp are still delicious. I'm very sorry, shrimp everywhere.

** I did end up eating sweets with dairy in them twice while visiting family. Ian would say my justification is bunk, but in circumstance #1 it was some trifle that wouldn't be good the next day and was going to be thrown out, and in circumstance #2, I was visiting an aunt's house and there were homemade cookies. So I had two. I really shouldn't have eaten any, but I did.

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